Chore Listings

To get things started, here are the chores that I use for my children. Feel free to reply with you lists.

• Make Bed
  
• Sort Clothes
  
• Empty Dishwasher
  
• Take Out Recycling
  
• Practice Piano
  
• Practice Sax
  
• Feed/Water Cats
  
• Empty Waste Paper Baskets
  
• Clean Room
  
• Clean Out Van
  
• Homework

Jim Spencer
Jump Gap Software

Not to be a downer, but I have a few negative chores as well. For example, My kids never seem to bother hanging their towels after they shower. Now that they could lose a star for it, I never have to remind them! All of my negative chores have a - before them to make them obvious by looking. So far the biggie is -towel but my 9 year old also has -pussyfooting for when she starts to dilly dally getting ready for school. Now I just have to say, "should we update iAllowance now?" and towels magically get hung and my daughter gets ready in a wink!

My positive chores that aren't already shared includes a "mean clean" which is like the school's drop everything and read but it's stop everything and clean! We set the timer and see how much we can all get done. Now that there are stars involved, the kids don't groan about it.

What about trying the opposite, instead of take something away when your 9 yr old does something she is not suppose to, what about awarding her when she DOES IT? You know, when you catch her doing it right? Or she will really remind you when she does hang it up, so it will be to her benefit and the work will be on her to report it to you...
Meaning less stress on you so you don't have to do the "warning" about "should we update allowance now?"....
I am willing to bet a ton that instead of the negative/take away method, that if you instead awarded stars/whatever you award, for HANGING the towel up, SHE will remember, and then she will be reminding you to add her star/etc...

I know that picking up the towel isn't really something to be rewarded about, its something that you should "just do"....however for her, it's an issue, so changing her behavior is going to require more of something she can grasp and remember and be responsible for...by you reminding HER, using a warning, she is still waiting for a queue from you....BUT by giving her the responsibility of having to remind YOU to update and give a star/etc for HER action of hanging the towel up...I am willing to bet after one or two missed attempts at earning one, she will turn around fast....then eventually it will become "habit" and you can after a good period of time, move on to replacing it with another positive goal...

Excuse me for explaining funny, I am trying to type while kids are in the same room all wanting my attention and trust me, if anyone has had to do lots of various behavior modifications, and also someone who has tried just about every "tactic" known to man, every book, etc...it's ME, I have three kids, and two of them have Autism..of ALL of the various techniques/tools/etc, it's the POSITIVE form that's brought the biggest and quickest results...for my kids with Autism and for my daughter who does not have any "special needs"...

I should have listens to one of our first therapists/teachers who told me about taking each behavior and switching to reward the positive, not taking away or even "not awarding" for bad behavior...that even though to us adults, its the same thing, the same outcome (a star if she hangs it and none if she doesn't)..that it's the APPROACH and actual language/way we present it that makes the difference...it's been life changing really for us...sure it takes some work on the parents end, but once you start and once you get to the point where you can stop yourself and reframe your language/approach, it's easy street....
AND, its been much less stressful around here because like I said earlier, it's on THEM to report to YOU to update/add the rewards rather than YOU having to be the bad guy and catch them doing wrong ya know?

I know we gave seen even all around better/closer relationships around here too because everyone is less negative, all the way around..


..and try to remember, that kids do not always know or expect the same consequences for their behavior/choices...that especially if sometimes she is caught and sometimes she isn't caught with the towel hung up..and especially if you see it on the floor, then say "do we have to update" then she hangs it up...that's making it all on YOU and not on HER to remember....

Whether or not you think this way is working now, it probably,y won't for the long run, I urge you to just give it a try this way, I KNOW it works, and it works for ALL ages, toddlers-elementary-high school....because the brain is not fully able to put their behaviors into context with consequences until the early 20's..it's physically not possible ....BUT by putting things ON THEM the responsibility of remembering, they develop habits and positive behaviors rather than always seeming to test the waters and to see if they can get away with doing it or not..because its up to you to follow up and catch/warn them....ya know?

Hope I don't seem too bossy I just wanted to get everything I could out to help, as we spent years and years trying all sorts of non-working and very stressful and negative procedures/tactics/etc, and it did nothing but cause tension and pull us all further apart....and I personally grew up in a negative consequence type of home, and THANKFULLY I learned this way of doing things because unfortunately my childhood was not a very happy or stable one and to this day my mom and I are not close at all because of it.,,the LAST thing I ever want for my own family and kids...

Hope it helps!

Well, most of her chores are positive. She only has the couple that remove stars. And it works far better than the positive for her and for this instance and yes, even in the long run. I appreciate what you're saying as a whole, but I believe we sometimes have to give consequences for negative behaviors, not just rewards for positive behaviors. I'm not going to give her a reward for something she should be doing by default. When you give nothing but rewards, children start to do nothing unless there's a reward. "Nathan, go brush your teeth." "How many stars do I get for that?" There are things you must do in our household just because you are a member of our household and putting up your towel is one of them. There is no natural consequence to her towel on the floor so she has a consequence that motivates her. And it *is* about her. She will on her own take a way a star and say, "I should have put up my towel. I was lazy."

I wasn't trying to give insight into parenting styles but rather sharing a way I use iAllowance. We have far more chores that give stars and all kinds of rewards FOR stars. I was just pointing out that you can use the app to remove stars for chronic negative behaviors you want to try to change.

I would love to know some ideas for chores your using. Here are mine for my 7 year old son

Date Description Stars Total
- Starting Balance ★ 25
2/8/13 Clean Up Toys ★ 1 ★ 26
2/8/13 - Having To Be Told More Than Once To Do Something -★1 ★ 25
2/8/13 Clean Up Toys ★ 1 ★ 26
2/8/13 Get Ready For Bed (20 Minutes) ★ 1 ★ 27
2/8/13 Clean Up Toys ★ 1 ★ 28
2/8/13 - Bad Behavior -★1 ★ 27
2/8/13 - Forgot To Turn Lights Off -★1 ★ 26
2/8/13 Get Dressed For School ★ 1 ★ 27
2/8/13 Change Clothes After School ★ 1 ★ 28
2/8/13 Put Laundry In Laundry Shoot ★ 0 ★ 28
2/8/13 Get Shoes & Coat On ★ 1 ★ 29
2/8/13 - Bad Behavior -★1 ★ 28
2/8/13 Do Homework ★ 1 ★ 29
2/8/13 - Skipping Questions On Schoolwork -★1 ★ 28
2/8/13 Brush Teeth ★ 1